18 May Why Are You Staying With a Boss Who Hates You?
Okay, so maybe hate is a strong word, but you know when your boss doesn’t like you. You can feel the tension or the awkwardness in your interactions. You can feel the uneasiness in your gut after your conversations with them.
Unfortunately bad bosses are more common than great leaders, but the thing that most people don’t realize is that we give a lot of power to those bad bosses. The longer you stay in a situation where you are not appreciated, your value isn’t acknowledged, and you aren’t happy…the more you start to believe those things to be true.
This can take years to recover from because a huge part of your perceived self-worth is impacted. You tend to cary that forward with you in your life. This is why it’s so important to take that power back. Whether that means having a difficult conversation to try to savor the relationship or having the courage to move on to bigger and better things.
In this video we break down why many people stay with horrible bosses and what to do instead.
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Kevin Kermes: Hey, it’s Kevin Kermes and Olivia Gamber, back again from a Career Attraction. We’ve been talking about this one topic and this one more of this behavior that we see amongst top performers and it’s this and with dissatisfaction in the marketplace being upward to seventy five percent, a lot of times, that’s because you don’t like the person you’re working for. It’s less, I just don’t like your personality. They’re not supporting you, they’re not helping you get where it is you want to go next, and a myriad of other things we’re going to talk about. Then it begs the question why, knowing that you’re a top performer, do you stay in that role? Why do you continue to work for them? I know you’ve got some thoughts on this, Olivia.
Olivia Gamber: Yeah. I think it’s tough having a boss that doesn’t support you and maybe even doesn’t believe in your potential. I think that can really be a huge blow to the self-esteem and it can start to have you even question your abilities. What that does is it really takes the power and control out of your hands and you almost feel paralyzed and just trapped in a situation because you almost feel like it’s what you deserve.
Kevin Kermes: Yeah. I mean I feel like it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. For me the question, like taking a step back from it and we’re fortunate, we’re in the position where we can be dispassionate about it because we’re not emotionally invested in it, but that’s also why a lot of times people come to us.
The first thing I would ask is, if you’re in a company that continues to loss market share, has a product or service that’s none competitive, so you know that bonuses aren’t going to be there, that upward trajectory, that professional growth in the sense of being with a forward thinking and evolving company isn’t going to be there, you wouldn’t stay. You’d move. What is it?
It’s really a question about that relationship and again, what you said Olivia, I think looking inward, why is it that I’m willing to put up with this? It’s not you’re being asked to work extra hours. It’s not that like your company’s under siege and you’re having to do things that typically you wouldn’t or your company has made cut backs and you’re having to do more. Your constantly being beaten down and put in a corner by a boss who I would submit is just trying to control you.
This is something that I see a lot more with high performer because that person, on some level, maybe threatened by you, so they want to keep you in check. I’m sure you’ve seen this. I’ve seen this with a lot of individuals who have climbed, climbed, climbed really fast and they kind of like … It’s one of these inflection points. They hit this wall and the wall is the person across to them is going, “Oh shit. This person is going to take my job.”
Olivia Gamber: Yeah. That’s true.
Kevin Kermes: They may not ever say it, but that’s what the behavior is. Again, what their rational is, I don’t care because our job is to advocate for you, the high performer. The point at which they are not meeting and exceeding your expectations or what you want to do from a growth standpoint to stay there and expect it to get better is, I mean, it’s an exercise in futility.
Olivia Gamber: I agree. I think ultimately, some managers just would prefer the mediocre performer that they can control so that they stay completely unexposed for their poor leadership. Ultimately, you’re giving them that power by sticking around and just going through the motions when you’re unhappy.
Kevin Kermes: It’s kind of like the antithesis to mentorship, right? Because a true mentor wants a high performer because they want to be able to say, “I helped that person get where they’re going,” versus the individual who may not want to grow or maybe they do in their current role, but they don’t see that … I’m a huge believer, case and point here, in partnering with people that I are ridiculously smart. In many cases, they exceed me in several areas.
How is that bad? How in the world is that bad when you’re both chasing the same outcome or in this case where it’s your employer, you’re there to serve them. That becomes a bigger question. Not so much for the current situation, but as you move forward. Right? You’re clear on where you are and now you want to move forward looking for that behavior in your future employer.
Are they employing other high performers? Are you going in and looking around at your peers in an interview and going, “I’m going to stretch my legs and up my game because these people are sharp,” or you walking in going, “Oh my God. I could crash all this people.” If it’s the later, I would submit to you. I don’t think you’re in the right place.
Olivia Gamber: I agree, hundred percent.
Kevin Kermes: Hey in this week until Friday, I think it’s Friday at midnight. Right, Olivia?
Olivia Gamber: Yap.
Kevin Kermes: You can go to Amazon and get a free copy of The Career Upgrade Roadmap by none other than Olivia Gamber. More importantly, below this video, click on the link, you’re going to go to a page where share your email. We’re going to give you a bunch of other free resources that we pulled together. This come out of some of our paid training programs. You’ll get that. That will be emailed to you. As soon as you put your information in, it’ll take you right over the page to be able to pick up your free copy. Make sure you do that.