Putting Job Search Rejection into Perspective
Don’t think this is a “lemons into lemonade” blog about rejection. It’s the furthest thing from it. Let me start by telling you what you already know: It sucks. Rejection in the interview process, be it the first or final, is the pits. Period. End.
What adds insult to injury is that which passes for feedback…the “advice” you are given as you discover you didn’t get the job. And this, my friend, is what I want to tackle today. Because, I see how much effort, energy and emotion is often put towards the words and ideas passed off as “helpful information” once your ride on the interview train has ended. And, frankly, it’s often wasted energy that is detracting you from moving down the path to your goal: finding the right job.
Don’t Assume You Are Being Told the Truth – You know I use the dating analogy a lot when talking about the hiring process. Remember what it was like to split up with someone? “It’s not you, it’s me.” The reality is that many times saying the truth can be as uncomfortable as hearing it…and many will avoid that at all costs. As well, in our uber-legal, highly litigious society, there is a reluctance to share the truth for fear of liability.
They May Not Know – You know those gut feelings you get about people – good or bad? Do you really need to know why you feel that way? No – you’ve learned over the years to trust your instincts. The hiring process is no different. You may be a perfect fit for a role but another candidate moves forward in the process (even gets the job) because the hiring manager just felt more comfortable with them. In the search business, when asking clients to describe the common thread shared by everyone on their team, most would respond with something along the lines of, “I can’t tell you what it is, but I know it when I see it.” What do you do with that?
A Choice for Someone Else isn’t Always a Choice Against You – Following on the heels on them not knowing, this is really important to remember. When someone else is selected, it doesn’t mean a conscious choice was made against you. The natural place for any of us to go after being rejected is to what we could have done differently. This is all you can control, but it could have nothing to do with why you didn’t get hired.
Is all this unscientific, arbitrary and largely beyond your control – absolutely. The hiring process is a sum of its parts: people. And we are a quirky bunch. Put us all together and try to get consensus amongst a diverse group of people…it’s a wonder any decisions get made at all. Trying to apply rationale and logic to something as speculative and nuance driven as the hiring process can, simply put, drive you insane. On top of that, you are emotionally in the thick of things. Being objective isn’t only an unreasonable expectation for you to have for yourself, but it’s largely impossible.
Instead of reflecting on and dissecting what you are told (if anything) after an interview, I want you to do two things. First, capitalize on the opportunity presented (read this past blog I wrote on the topic). Second, reflect on whether you were the truest representation of you in the interview. If you were, and didn’t get the job, then it wasn’t the right fit for you. As much as you have your eyes on the prize (AKA: the job) during an interview, sometimes not winning is a blessing in disguise. The downside to getting hired for something you aren’t can be even more devastating in the long run than it is frustrating to be in the job search.
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You’re right! I got “the job” selling cars only to be let go three weeks later. I wasn’t the right fit, but I was willing to give it try. I did earn a pay check in the process, and we all want one of those. It might have been a blessing to be past over, but I learned a lot from the experience, some good, some bad.
Great article!
In the very impersonal world of applying for jobs, we should consider ourselves lucky if we get any feedback from an interview. Most the time, the job rejection comes as an boiler plate email that you have to read twice to discover if it really says anything.
Since January 18, I think I have applied for about 40 jobs, almost all of which rejected me because I wasn’t the “perfect” candidate on paper. The job market in defense industry in the Telecom Corridor is terrible. Employers can take up to 3 months to send the rejection email. Obviously, they hope that if they don’t respond, then maybe we will move on, and forget about it.
So instead of feeling bad about being rejected, all we can do is copy the job requisition and then objectively compare our skills and experience to the requisition and try to find ways to improve our resume, our skills, or our experience. Or if everything matches, then we just have to chalk it up to too many candidates. Everything is totally nameless, faceless, and pretty much inhumane. Part of life is learning how to deal with rejection. If companies deny us this learning experience, then what are they teaching us?
Kevin,
As always, this is an excellent perspective on what so many of us face in the career search. I had just received a note from a good friend who retired early and would like to find something he is passionate about. He worked very hard on getting his documentation in, but was rejected in a three-line letter. I told him that he was lucky to hear back at all. Then I sent him a link to your article and we’re going to talk. Rejection is never easy (you do like that dating analogy, don’t you…..someone in mind?) but we just need to maybe cry a bit, take a walk and some deep breaths, and get at it again. It will happen and learning from you, we will attract opportunities…..which is happening to me already. Thank you for a valuable article.
Kevin,
As always, this is an excellent perspective on what so many of us face in the career search. I had just received a note from a good friend who retired early and would like to find something he is passionate about. He worked very hard on getting his documentation in, but was rejected in a three-line letter. I told him that he was lucky to hear back at all. Then I sent him a link to your article and we’re going to talk. Rejection is never easy (you do like that dating analogy, don’t you…..someone in mind?) but we just need to maybe cry a bit, take a walk and some deep breaths, and get at it again. It will happen and learning from you, we will attract opportunities…..which is happening to me already. Thank you for a valuable article.
This is a great article to read. Especially, at the beginning of your job search day!!!
Kevin,
I have taken to heart your advice about having hiring managers who have rejecected you to be connections in my network. This has not workked so well, only have tried on last two. When I sent them an e-mail asking them to be a connection, with an article that provides prespective, insight or partial solution to a problem I have observed they have, but have gotten no reply. Even though mentioned that I am just seeking connections for my search, so do you have any suggestions?
Thanks,
Len Whitmore
This is a good reflective article to keep at your side following your interviews. I’ve noticed that group interview processes in particular are unpredictable. Oftentimes the most outspoken member of the group
can steer the decision, and not always for the better. As the hiring manager, I’ve learned to take the input
as advisory, but if you allow for a group decision, you may find yourself with the most mediocre of the candidates.
Great article. Sometimes the “blessing in disguise” part may not be recognized until you have the right job in hand.
rejection email? what rejection email? I don’t even get rejection emails anymore! I wait a month at most, and if I don’t hear back, I assume I got rejected and move on with life! Most recruiters, managers, and HR reps (at least in my industry apparently) are either too busy or not man enough to tell someone they’ve gone with another person.
Scott,
Unfortunately, you are right. In most cases HR doesn’t close the loop with candidates. It is one of the biggest PR mis-steps and mis-managements that occur in the job market today. The impression you form of a company is based on your experiences with that organization (simple concept, I know). And, for job seekers, this is through the interview process.
Here is the big rub that senior leadership in these companies is missing. When you move on to your next organization, you carry the sum of your experiences. So, when you are deciding on a vendor, partner, supplier, etc. and one of those companies who botched the interview process comes across your radar…do you think that will impact your decision making process? It absolutely will. As a consumer, a bad experience with customer service can turn you off to a product all together. This is no different.
HR is at the bottom of the food chain in most organizations. They don’t drive top-line revenue and are there to support functions that, for the most part, can be outsourced. I think this disconnect from being truly responsible for a P&L tied to driving growth for the company may be where it starts. Bottom line: the mis-management of something so simple, and courteous, is not only a reflection of sheer laziness and apathy on the part of those responsible in the enterprise, but can have a disproportional – and negative – impact on the organization itself. The problem is that I don’t think anyone inside the companies is paying attention to this.